Advice from Grandma – “3 Dating Rules I Wish I Followed When I was Single”

 old ladyA letter from Grandma, Margo.

Dear Reader,

When I was younger, I was invincible. Or so I thought…

I would wear my cute flower dresses, style my hair every morning and walk down the street with my head held high. I would send a quick flirtatious glance to all the cute boys I passed. I would get the attention I craved and I would keep the boys wanting more. I had it all, the looks, the smile, the charm and the wit. I was a girl all the boys wanted and a girl all my girlfriends wanted to be. I admit, I was a stuck up brat.

I loved the boys though. I loved the attention. I couldn’t get enough of it and I thought that finding the perfect man was one of life’s greatest accomplishments. I thought that if I could find a man that made me whole, I would be whole. I thought that every girl needed a man by her side, every girl needed a man that fit the perfect image she set out for a partner. I thought life was about image and I cared far too much about what everyone else thought. I thought that mattered. I thought image was everything.

I was wrong. I was wrong about everything. Don’t think how I thought, and follow these rules instead.

1. Finding love isn’t a priority, it’s a gift. Don’t spend your time trying to finding love. Spend your time on making every day matter and making every day better than the last. Focus on yourself and worry less about someone else. Only you can make yourself whole. No one else can do that for you and in many ways, falling into the wrong relationship can tear you apart. When you do find someone, make sure that you aren’t sacrificing who you are or your goals and dreams. Life is too short to put yourself last.

2. Stop worrying that potential paramours may reject you. Remember that you are a strong woman with so many virtues and rejection doesn’t matter. It is the times that work that matter. When rejection happens, it just means that it wasn’t meant to be and that’s okay. In the end, rejection may be saving you from misery down the road. You’re not too fat, too ugly, too thin, too loud, etc. You’re none of those things and you need to stop worrying about it. Fearing that potential paramours will reject you will break you down and make it harder for a true lover to see through your scars.

3. First dates are not auditions and often do not reflect future connection. Just because you had an awkward first date, or even a wonderfully romantic date doesn’t mean that is what your relationship will look like in 3 months, 1 year, 2 years, or even 10. The truth is, relationships evolve just like people. If there is no connection, there is no connection and most likely never will be. But if you had some weird or awkward moments or you didn’t have that burst of passion portrayed in the movies, that doesn’t mean it won’t come. Be patient and give it time. On the other hand, if your date was firey, you may wonder if you’re mistaking “connection” for lust. Also, it’s not an audition, so don’t treat it as such. Just have fun with it and let the good times roll.